What will matter in a hundred years from now?
That the stock market dropped?
That my 401k lost 1/3 it value?
That my son failed algebra?
That I had to put $1000 in an old car to keep it running?
I worry about so many things. Will I stay healthy? Will I keep my job? Will I have enough money to put my kids through college? Will my mom need to come live near or with us as she get's ill?
When my wife was fighting breast cancer I worried...what if she gets sicker? What if she dies? How will I take care of the kids and house?
And then, she died. And I've survived. I feel guilty that she died....and I didn't. I feel mad that she left me....and I go on living, dealing with problems while she doesn't have to. I feel sorry for her and what she slowly lost....first her energy, then strength, then spirit, and lastly her mind. I asked her in her last weeks what she would miss about living. Her response...."fun". The fun of living.
I honestly would trade places with her today. Let her live.....take me.
I write this for myself. I expect no one to ever read it....but I need to just push out the thoughts through my finger tips. Out into the ethernet of the web.
Maybe shes out there reading it.
I miss you hun.
3 comments:
Oh Sven. What to say... we must grasp life every minute of every day. And have fun. 'Fun of living'. I shall do that today in memory of your wife.
Thank you for putting those thoughts out. We need to hear them.
I wish you every happiness. And lots of fun.
And I bet she has read it. Or knows it. X
Hope you are OK. Please write some more.
Ran across your blog while surfing. I too write letters to my late husband. Not online. . . too private for that. But I've thought about the trading places option (Like we ever HAD an option!) I don't think I would do it. Here's the thing. I believe in heaven. I believe my husband is there and in no pain and simply waiting for me to join him. Knowing the greif I have suffered missing him so much, would I trade places with him so that HE was in the positon to grieve and hurt at my loss? I wouldn't. You make a good point about loving life and living it to the fullest. I need to focus on that and not waste the time I am here, simply wishing I weren't. Just my thoughts.
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