In your last weeks of life your greatest concern was how our sons were going to handle your death, but most of all was your worry about our youngest son E who was 15 at the time. As usual, you were right as E he has had the greatest struggle of the three. I promised I would take care of them, especially E.
All three had trouble, but E has had the most by far. Drinking, drugs, and legal problems have increased in the 4 years since you died. Arrests for possession of marijuana, under aged drinking, and shoplifting booze have all led to him facing time in jail. He's been in out patient treatment twice, but he has not gained control of his addictions. By the grace of God and the judge's mercy he was permitted one last chance at inpatient rehabilitation.
He's been in less then a week, but claims he feels cleaner and stronger. I pray it continues, and isn't just lip service.
Over the past 4 years I've spent much money and time in trying to help him. Most costly of all has been the emotional toll it's taken on our family. I went to an Al-Anon meeting for the first time last week...and am starting to see how it's affected me. I quit my job as the travel was extensive and I wasn't at home enough. Now I'm depressed not working....and I realize I'm still grieving losing you. I fear I will never get over losing you.
I've started volunteering with a hospice...visiting dying patients and I found I come away with a different perspective of life. In addition to caring for the dying...I'm hoping it will help me with my own grieving....a bit of self therapy.
I miss you and love you,
R
