I slept on the floor at the foot of your bed partly in fear you'd wake and be alone, but also for my own comfort to know you were near. I was so worn out...I thought I was prepared to let you go, but one night when the moon was nearly full I jumped to your side as I couldn't hear your breath. As I stood there in the middle of the night holding your hand I became terrified that you had died...my heart pounding in fear...but ever so faintly your breath returned...shallow and slow. The end was nearing.
On the last day of July the hospice nurse paid a visit in the morning and took me aside to say she felt you would die before the next morning. I called your mom and dad, your brother and sister in law, your nieces, and of course the boys. As they all arrived in the afternoon and evening we took turns sitting with you. Through out the night each of the boys sat holding your hand, and E crawled into bed laying beside you. Shortly before midnight your breath sped up, and then slowed until you ceased to be. You took your last breath at 12:01 am on the first of August.
I walked out back, away from the house and into the field. The full moon was at it's zenith and I sat on a stump and looked at it for a long time...imagining it was you looking down. You were finally free of your decaying and painful body and I imagined your spirit soaring.
Any time I see the moon I think of you...and of the last night I held you. I will always love you and miss you. And I promise I will always stand by the boys and be there for them as we did together for so many years.
Rest in peace sweetheart
R
6 comments:
Thinking of you. Praying for you. My heart hurts for you today.
That's exactly what happened to me. My wife died in my arms last July 21, 2009 of cancer of the liver. I miss her so much. Were it not for my 2 sons who are the only purpose of my existence, I would definitely end my meaningless life to join my wife on the other side. Until now, I am grieving terribly. I believe in life after death based on many death bed visions I've heard from them like my wife, my mother, and other relatives before they died. They've seen deceased relatives on stand by inside the room days before death struck them. It's really very hard for me, 28 years of marriage, 5 years combatting my wife's cancer, I've seen how it started from Day 1 up to her last breath. Is that how life must go?
Very difficult for me to read as this is quite close to what happened to me. I miss my husband, and there's no getting him back. I hope you will more at peace soon.
Sad......but so beautiful are your words....you can feel the love......
My wife of 17 years died of metastatic breast cancer in October 2010 and I understand and sympathise with so much of what you have written. We were atheists and found that a comfort. Because she believed, as I believe, there’s no cruel God that made her suffer, or just let her suffer, or took her hostage for a ransom of faith. No bargain with God, no prayers, no acts of faith could have saved her. What happened just happened.
What she was she will always have been. What she leaves lives on in us. But now she is nowhere.
She is nowhere suffering our grief in some dimension from which she can share no comfort. She is nowhere enduring the pain of separation from us. She is nowhere longing to share her loving embrace. Her suffering has ended completely.
Your description of what happened fits to a T over what happened to my wife and I. Constance went home to Jesus on 19 March 2012 - I slept at the side of the bed on the floor of the hospice, listening ever so intently to her breathing - knowing that she was slipping away bit by bit. her last sign to me was to ask her to kiss her goodbye two nights before - then she became incoherent the next day and slipped into unconsciousness the following day before leaving us.
Till today my heart bleeds for her and I break down several times a day, grieving and missing her. Its so difficult especially when I am now alone as we have no kids.
I know how you feel and share your pain.
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