A Grief Observed

Dear E,

In the quest to find a slice of sanity after losing you I read scores of books...many filled with positive upbeat streams of butterflies and rainbow bullshit. To say the least most didn't help...I didn't need to hear "you'll get over it...be happy".

The one tome I did find laden with wisdom was C.S. Lewis's "A Grief Observed". He speaks with brutal honesty on his thoughts and feelings while journaling after losing his wife.

"If, as I can't help suspecting, the dead also feel the pains of separation (and this may be one of their purgatorial sufferings), then for both lovers, and for all pairs of lovers without exception, bereavement is a universal and integral part of our experience of love."

Regardless of your stage in grief, I'd recommend you pick up a copy. My library had several or always available at Amazon...

http://www.amazon.com/Grief-Observed-C-S-Lewis/dp/0060652381

Peace be with you....

Cowboy K

Dear E

M's friend's husband passed away suddenly last October and she is overwhelmed by the labor it takes to keep the farm running. Originally E and I planned on doing it but on Monday morning he came up with his typical myriad of excuses why he wasn't ready. I was pissed as he's pulled this before....and M wasn't happy either as they needed the help asap.

So I asked K, and he jumped at the chance. He's gone out four days already this week and loving it. He's been mowing, trimming, and helping with various tasks. M reports he's a hard worker (which we knew).

But what I think he likes just as much is being with the horses. He's always been good with animals. You'd be proud to see him and hear him talk about it each day when he gets home. It may be fulfilling part of his cowboy fantasy too.

I remember......how you loved going down to great-gram's farm and showing me around. Your gram and family was always so welcoming and it was such a different world from the city I was use to. You always wanted us to move back to the country when the kids grew up and left....I'm sorry we never got the chance.

I love and miss you.

R xoxo

Humor

Dear E,

Started watching the "Curb your Enthusiasm" DVD set and laughed out loud at the character Suzy....and I thought about how much we both loved laughed at her. Brought me close to tears remembering our shared sense of humor...how rare it was to find you. And how terrible to lose you.

I hope your still laughing wherever you are.

I love and miss you.

Never get to see them marry

Went to a wedding Saturday afternoon at a little church South of Champaign. As I sat there I thought of our day so long ago. Just like ours it was in a little church and the day was rainy. Thought about the boys wedding you'll miss....and was incredibly sad. One of the last things you told me was how your going to miss watching them grow up and get married and have grand children. You would of been a super grandma.

I hope your watching....I love and miss you every day.